Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
