It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
