Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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