My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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