the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
