I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
