Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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