This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
