i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
