I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
