Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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