It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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