You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
