Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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