I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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