we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
