found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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