it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
