I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
