If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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