I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
