my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
