Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
