well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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