you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
