12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
