WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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