Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
