Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
