so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
