my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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