Im at strip club and am horny
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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