just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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