Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
