he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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