he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
