what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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