My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
