You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
