So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
