She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
