oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
