and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
