he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
