Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
