I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
