I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
