I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
