How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
