His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
