I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
