you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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